One person’s view: “We burned disco records at the end of the decade, but not this?” – Dr. Nelson Winston
The public’s view: 1.73 / 5.00
There are lots of famous songs about animals, but very few that depict the animal in the act of mating. The crocodile in “Crocodile Rock” is not having sex. The chameleon in “Karma Chameleon” is not having sex. Same for the eagle in “Fly Like an Eagle”, the tiger in “Eye of the Tiger”, and Snoopy in “Snoopy vs. the Red Baron”. “Muskrat Love” is a rare exception. It describes the lustful romantic endeavors of two muskrats named Susie and Sam, who like to nibble on bacon, cheese, and each other. The concept alone is enough to put the song on almost every list of bad hit records of the 1970s.
“Muskrat Love” didn’t originate with the Captain & Tennille. It first appeared on the self-titled album by singer-songwriter Willis Alan Ramsey in 1972, and few people at the time found it to be upsetting or inappropriate. Whenever you buy a record of gritty modern folk music by some guy you’ve barely heard of, you can’t complain if one of the songs turns out to be about muskrat sex. It’s the risk that you take. Some listeners even tolerated the tune well enough that they encouraged Ramsey to make a second album. He declined, saying, “What’s wrong with the first one?” He has stood by this decision to the present day. Whether you respect “Muskrat Love” or not, you have to respect Willis Alan Ramsey.
Unlike Ramsey’s record, which was little known outside of underground Bohemian folkie hipster circles, the Captain & Tennille’s cover version of “Muskrat Love” was impossible to avoid. Not only did it reach #4 on the Hot 100, it also topped the easy listening chart. This meant that people in stores and doctors’ offices were bombarded with the tale of Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam when they weren’t in the mood for it at all. Meanwhile, actual muskrats were staying under the radar. Despite their abundant population and a habitat that ranges over most of North America, they are rarely spotted in the wild. There isn’t a muskrat exhibit at the zoo, either, because muskrats don’t bring in crowds. No one is going to spend $30 on zoo admission to see a muskrat, unless it is to see one getting fed to an elephant. “Muskrat Love” is virtually the entire sum of publicity that Ondatra zebithicus has received in the past century, so now the species is forever linked in everyone’s minds to Toni Tennille and her nautically themed husband.
Aside from having a hit record about them, there is one thing about muskrats that distinguishes them from beavers, otters, and similar riffraff. Muskrat is one of only two types of meat that Catholics are allowed to eat on Fridays during Lent. The other is capybara. I know it sounds like I made this up as a joke, but I didn’t. You have to accept a lot of really weird and arbitrary shit if you want to be Catholic. It wouldn’t be surprising for the Pope to decree that all Catholics must wear purple pants on Tuesdays during Advent. Anyway, because they are exempted from this bizarre rule about meat, muskrats are commonly served at Lenten church barbecues in parts of Michigan. Just try to imagine yourself enjoying a delicious muskrat-and-pimento hoagie at St. Bobbalitius Church while washing it down with a cup of capybara juice. Jesus will be smiling down on you for obeying the Vatican’s ridiculous commands, so don’t ruin the moment by humming “Muskrat Love”. Your festive meal is not the best time to contemplate the past reproductive activities of the rodent in your sandwich, or to think about the other furry critter that is now mourning its lost paramour.
Willis Alan Ramsey’s original is a serious and contemplative musical work, but the Captain & Tennille added some silly sound effects to their version. They must have picked up some tips from Pat Boone’s Guide to Half-Assing a Novelty Hit. Let’s just be thankful that The Ray Stevens Manual of Ethnic Generalizations was checked out of the library that day, probably by Bernie Taupin as he was writing the lyrics for “Island Girl”.
Whatever you think of the result, the Captain & Tennille deserve props for taking a chance on a quirky tune. This wasn’t a lazy cash grab like the Beach Boys single that I wrote about last week. It was a daring move that could have, and arguably should have, destroyed the duo’s career. They even audaciously sang “Muskrat Love” for Queen Elizabeth II at a White House state dinner, offending one of the royal attendants and nearly rekindling the War of 1812. (The Queen herself dozed off during the performance and was unscathed by the bawdy ballad. We can assume that she was written up for sleeping on the job, and that her pay was docked.) The song has also given me an idea for a Good Friday road trip up north to grab some dinner. Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam will be doing the jitterbug in Esophagusland.
My rating: 4 / 10
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