One person’s view: “A cynical, calculated attempt to fashion a country analogue of Lionel Richie and Diana Ross’ mind-numbing blockbuster Endless Love.” – gasp65 @ Rate Your Music
The public’s view: 2.43 / 5.00
“You and I” raged across America at the start of my teen years, and it immediately became my least favorite single by either Eddie Rabbitt or Crystal Gayle. Love ballads such as this were impossible to appreciate when I had never fallen in love and had no immediate likelihood of doing so. However, I believed that after weathering a relationship or two, I might someday learn to enjoy – or at least tolerate – songs of this ilk.
It was the same misplaced sense of optimism that I had about the dreaded chore of buying new shoes. Shoe shopping was always a lengthy ordeal that required trying on ten pairs to find the right size. Making matters worse, my Catholic school’s bizarre dress code forced me to purchase additional shoes that were too ugly and uncomfortable to be worn in any non-school setting. I longed for the day, not far off, when my foot size would stabilize at an adult level and the shoe-buying process would be much more efficient. I also assumed that science would disprove Catholicism by that time, thereby nullifying the dress code. I’d be able to grab any 10½-wide pair of men’s sneakers and be out of the store in two minutes.
Although scientists eventually came through for us on Catholicism, I continue to be disenchanted by today’s footwear experience. My feet may have stopped growing, but it matters little when sneaker sizes are inconsistent across models and the best-fitting ones are never in stock anyway. Quality control has also gone AWOL, so left shoes and right shoes from the same pair now usually differ by half a centimeter in every dimension. Picking out shoes sucks as much as it ever did. You know what else still sucks like it did when I was 13? Listening to “You and I”.
Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal Gayle were good country & western singers, but there isn’t much country or western in “You and I”. It’s a generic adult contemporary product with a mediocre arrangement. Gayle has such a beautiful voice, and sadly the only time we get to hear it in isolation is when she’s echoing one of Rabbitt’s lines. She’s relegated to the role of a parrot. I also don’t care for the structure of the song. The bridge is sung twice in identical fashion, so if you tune in during this part you can’t tell whether it’s the first or second occurrence. This makes it hard to decide whether to change the station or tough it out. After the second bridge, the song ends with the singers smugly congratulating themselves. “We made it, you and I.” Hey, I’m the one who just endured four minutes of deprivation and auditory hardship. Where’s my praise?
There is one setting where “You and I” makes perfect sense: weddings. It’s a lovely ballad for the first slow dance between the newly married couple. You know, that moment during the reception when everyone is distracted and you can sneak over to the cake and lick all the frosting off. Unfortunately, wedding songs and funeral songs quickly wear out their welcome in other contexts. (This phenomenon was later recognized as Midler’s Law.) I remember an FM station in the ‘80s whose announcers constantly touted all the places where we could listen: “At home, at work, at school, and in your car.” Not once did they suggest tuning in to their broadcast at your wedding to save money on a DJ. And yet, “You and I” was inexplicably all over the radio and on the charts for what seemed like forever.
In late winter it was clear that “You and I” had finally stalled out at #7 on the Hot 100 and was about to begin its highly awaited descent. But just as the embattled populace was breathing a sigh of relief, Kenny Rogers & Sheena Easton’s squawking remake of Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonite” leapt into the top 10 right behind Eddie & Crystal. This was like Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow and announcing that there will be six more weeks of bitter cold, and also that he will continue shitting on your porch for the duration of it because he doesn’t like getting snow on his bottom.
Aside from being fouled by these two tedious duets, the Hot 100 enjoyed one of its best years in history in 1983. Almost every song to make the top 10 was a keeper – even the “bad” one that will be discussed next.
My rating: 3 / 10
No comments:
Post a Comment