One person’s view: “Come on, you think he didn't know [the lyrics] sounded perverted? Of course, he did. Why he or his manager, Clair's dad, or her mom allowed this I do not know except to say that greed rules.” – Glinda47 @ Songfacts
The public’s view: 3.17 / 5.00
Gilbert O’Sullivan was bursting with a happy feeling of naïveté during his brief moment in the spotlight, having blissfully failed to anticipate the inappropriate meanings people might ascribe to his lyrics. To use his terminology, he was cheerful, bright, and gay. When he wrote a tune about a man who was unlucky with women, and called it “Underneath the Blanket Go”, he was genuinely surprised that everyone incorrectly assumed the title referred to masturbation. “Clair” was even more misunderstood. It was a tribute to his manager’s three-year-old daughter, with whom O’Sullivan had developed a close friendship. Certainly, Gilbert thought, no one would misconstrue this beautiful song about the bond between a babysitter and a babysat? As it turns out, he thought wrong.
The controversy might have been avoided if the lyrics were more direct. The first verse of “Clair” lulls the listener into the belief that Clair is the singer’s girlfriend, and we don’t learn until later in the song that she’s actually a small child. It’s an uncomfortable twist, but not an inherently disgusting one like in Billy J. Kramer’s infamous “Little Children”. “Little Children” deliberately leads us to believe that the narrator is a pervert, and the surprise at the end is that he’s a different kind of pervert. “Clair” is pure sugary sweetness, by contrast, except for the part where O’Sullivan complains about the girl becoming a monstrous terror in the evenings when told to go to bed. If you hear anything untoward in it, it means you have a problem on your end.
Although I disagree with those who say “Clair” is obscene, I have to acknowledge that it’s pretty weird. The song never explains why a man in his 20s has formed such an instant attachment to someone else’s toddler who he has been told to supervise. It would be less bizarre if he had grown fond of his manager’s pet snake and had written lyrics praising Fluffy the Burmese python. At least snakes are interesting and you can put them down people’s pants as an amusing prank. You can’t use three-year-old children in this manner and instead have to intentionally lose games to them to prevent them from throwing tantrums. The brats can’t even play Stratego at a competent level, and yet we are all expected to massage their fragile egos.
Gilbert O’Sullivan hasn’t had a hit in many decades, but his brand of oblivious innocence might be refreshing to today’s beleaguered citizenry. Here are a few song premises that he can try out if he wants:
“Epstein Was My Friend (R.I.P.)” – an ode to the late actor Robert Hegyes, who played the beloved character of Juan Epstein on Welcome Back, Kotter
“Now I’ve Joined the Clan” – about the day that O’Sullivan’s in-laws finally accepted him as a member of their extended family
“She’s Gonna Find My Big Snake in Her Pants” – a musical guide to harmless practical jokes with a pet reptile
“Keep Our Dark Secret Forever (Clair Pt. 2)” – a reminder to Clair never to tell anyone about the time O’Sullivan dozed off while he was supposed to be watching her and she ate a cigarette butt
I promise not to sue O’Sullivan if he uses any of the above ideas. I probably wouldn’t win anyway, as he has a pretty good track record in court. He sued his manager, Clair’s father, and was awarded millions of pounds for unpaid royalties. (I don’t know whether he also won back wages for babysitting.) He later sued Biz Markie for an unauthorized sample and forced an entire album to be recalled from stores in December 1991, resulting in lots of disappointed rap fans who had expected to find some Biz under the Christmas tree. You can call him Gilbert O’Scrooge if you like, but when it comes to any interpretations of “Clair” that aren’t cheerful, bright, and gay – don’t go there.
My rating: 4 / 10
No comments:
Post a Comment